Friday, July 12, 2013

Full Circle Series Day 13: Routine

It just occurred to me that I never gave an example of my daily schedule.

Here is a running blog of a typical day’s events:

6:30- Wake up Call/Smoke Break: Personally, I think they should just yell "Smoke Break!" instead of "Wake Up!" because that is when everyone comes running out of their rooms like it’s a fire drill.  Meanwhile, I don’t hear a thing anymore because I have my ear plugs stuck so far in my ear I need the jaws-of-life to get them out of my head.  Oh yeah did I mention that my roommate raises and races pigeons? 

7:00- Roll Call + Breakfast: They read off everyone’s name to make sure they are there then we go off to breakfast consisting of cereal, toast, and bananas.  Everyday, for 14 days, cereal, toast, and bananas.  So of course I stopped eating it on the 3rd day when I realized there wasn’t going to be steak and eggs anytime soon.  I still have to travel down the 92 steps to sit there for 5 minutes then rebelliously sneak out and climb back up the 92 steps.  Come to find out I’m not rebellious at all since another kid sneaks back into his room everyday despite the cameras going down the hall.  I tried this once, got away with it, but never did it again because I was pacing back and forth in my room freaking out about getting caught. 

8:15- Groups: We travel down 75 steps to go into a room and talk about things that are to stay in that room.  Needless to say nothing is ever said so it doesn’t matter.

9:15-10:45- Mandatory Recreation: I wouldn’t really classify this as recreation since it is mandatory, and also because it resembles more of a cattle train.  They round us up for a walk around the worst part of Worcester, what I have affectionately deemed the “scenic route”, in which we see local flare from the weekend festivities.  I look down at my feet and see crack pipes, used “balloons”, and mini bottles that were once filled with liquid courage.  Worcester seems like a fun place when it comes right down to it.

11:00- Class: This is class time in which in previous days I told you how I take notes and how I spend the whole hour pondering new ways the cafeteria can incorporate beans into the menu.

12:00- Lunch: Everything has beans in it.  Sometimes it makes sense i.e. franks and beans, but other times makes you scratch you head in wonder.  Why are there beans with seafood salad?  Doesn’t seem right at all.  This doesn’t stop me from eating it however (see not losing weight).

12:45-3:00- Optional Recreation: If it’s nice out we go play softball.  On the way to the field we converse with the local patrons who must be on the weekend parade committee I mentioned earlier because I see them asking for donations with catchy slogans on their cardboard signs.  If it is raining I go nap for 3 hours. (Author's Note 2013: 3 hours???? I'd kill for 15 minutes nowadays)

3:00- Class- I fall asleep through most of these too. I wouldn’t have to if my roommate didn’t snore at night and my dreams err nightmares weren’t filled with pigeons flying after me with my roommate who has 2 teeth laughing at me.

4:00- Group project/Class- These were put into place to promote teamwork, get to know each other, and to see that there are other things to do other than drink alcohol to have fun.  Hmmmm, if I am making straw constructions that house an egg so it doesn’t break and drawing pictures of fictional animals while I am sober, people are going to think I am drunk at the time I am doing these things so I may as well become an alcoholic. 

5:00- Dinner: More impressive bean creations…Bean pudding? What the?

7:00- AA meeting: The first AA meeting was interesting and enlightening.  Then they had another one…and another one…and ANOTHER ONE.  Pretty soon it got diluted and redundant so I stopped listening.  We had that victim’s perspective class in this time slot one night and you all know how that went.

8:15- Closing meeting: Oh, if only you guys could be a fly on the wall for these meetings.  So much bullshit is flying around I’m surprised we don’t have a fly infestation.  Everyone just wants to get out of there, even the ones who are sincere and want help…even the counselors.  It’s been a long day and everyone just wants to go relax.  Of course, there is one person who doesn’t feel this vibe and is completely oblivious to it all. 

MKIA doesn’t seem to understand that we don’t care about how the death of her cat is what causes her to drink.  When the circle comes around to her EVERYONE rolls their eyes and starts getting huffy and impatient.  Another interesting transformation takes place here.  35 yr olds cut their ages in half instantly and start making fart noises as well as other peanut gallery tomfoolery, but MKIA still drones on despite all this. 

9-10:30: Depending on when MKIA shuts her yap we get the rest of the night free.  I play cards, mostly Pitch.  This is when the dinner band starts to come out and play.  People’s bowels have no control over it, and it has a lot to do with the steady diet of beans.  Gross I know, but it is not our fault.  At least that is what the counselors have been telling us during our stay.  Beaning is a disease…oh wait they were talking about alcohol, I should pay more attention.

10:30- Lights out:  Yup quiet time until my roommate who raises and races pigeons (I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned that yet) bitches and moans about the day then laments about how a raccoon got into his pigeon coop and ate one of his prized racers.  Then I get to listen to him snore…Then I fall asleep.

Those were my days in a nutshell.

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