Top 5 Sopranos Episode

With the passing of James Gandolfini, and the iconic character he portrayed for 8 years, Tony Soprano, I felt it was only right to pay homage to the greatest character ever displayed on TV by making a list of the top 5 episodes of the greatest TV drama of all-time. I literally re-watch any episode that comes on TV which includes those awful versions of cut up junk that A&E aired. Truth is, I probably care a little more than a self-respecting 33 year old should, but... like they say "Whaddyaaa gonnaaa doooo". Onto to the list:
#5 "Cold Cuts" (Season 5):
This one brought out the awkward dynamic between Tony, Christopher, and their recently released cousin Tony Blundetto (played by the great Steve Buscemi). I heard that Buscemi wrote/directed some of the older Sopranos episodes which made me immediately intrigued by him since I only really liked him in Reservoir Dogs and his brilliant cameo in Billy Madison. He clearly has talent and I loved when they cast him as Tony's life long friend and cousin, who went away after a hijacking gone wrong, which Tony S felt guilty about all those years. In "Cold Cuts", Tony has Chris and Tony B go north to their retired mobster uncle's farm to move some "cans of peaches", aka some of the old decayed bones from some guys the family whacked over the years. Chris is resentful of Tony B's recent promotion and shows it, but I guess chopping up old bones brings out the nostalgic side of Chris, as he shares some laughs with his cousin, some at the expense of their boss. All is well until Tony S shows up to join them and the jokes turn towards Chris as they often did when the two Tony's were kids. It shows how young kids tease eachother and it continues to adulthood, but also paves the way for Chris' eventual hatred for Tony. High comedic value includes a ton of good nose jokes!
#4 "Whitecaps" (Season 4):
The performance JG and Edie Falco put on here was top notch. After years of goomars and other women, Tony was finally caught red-handed being unfaithful. As his former girlfriend Irina called the Soprano house to out Tony's cheating, Carmela was home after AJ passed the phone to her only to hear the drunken Russian hoe-bag on the other end of the phone. After Tony beat Irina's new boyfriend, Assembleyman Ron Zellman, with his belt in front of her, "he could no longer function as a man". Irina decided on a Stoli rocks bender to call the Soprano residence to fill Carmela in on Tony's latest sex-capade with her one-legged (no joke) cousin who was the home nurse to Uncle Junior. An epic verbabl battle ensued and two great scenes were on display as Tony and Carm aired their grievances only to end in their separation. The name of the episode was devoted to the Jersey Shore home that Tony paid a cash down payment to the owner, a seedy NY lawyer who turned down another offer with the promise of cash. After the drama at home, Tony tries to withdraw his offer like a gentlemen, only to have Allen Sappensly (said lawyer) try and strongarm him. Apparently he didn't read the local papers, or just thought that Tony was your run-of-the-mill Environmental Clean-upper, and found out the hard way you don't cross Tony Soprano. High comedy value here was when Tony was harrassing the lawyer in a non-violent manner, and decided he's bring his boat (the mighty Stugots) to Allen's backyard water and BLAST music the entire day and night. The best was when they are sitting down to dinner with friends and all of a sudden Dean Martin is blaring at stadium-level volume, Mr. Hotshot Lawyer dropped a funny ginzo joke "F'ing goomba trash, this whole coast is turning into the Gulf of Sorrento."
#3 "To Save Us All From Satan's Power" (Season 3):
Ahhh I nice Christmas episode to put everyone in the holiday spirit! This episode is centered around Tony's late long time friend and associate, Big Pussy Bonpensiero. After Big Puss was put to bed with the fishes at the end of Season 2, it often haunted Tony with thoughts of his old friend, and the sight of a raw flounder. The whacking of Big Puss was not one of Tony's favorites, he made sure every precaution was taken and even went as far as checking Pussy's bedroom for the wire the FED's gave him before making the final call on his fate. This was, after all, his best friend and he was a rat. As the guys were going through the Christmas decorations at Satriale's, they came across the old Santa suit that Puss used to wear at the pork store's annual Christmas party where they gave toys to the kids and envelopes to the adults (the least they could do after taken juice from the neighborhood for years). A great sequence came in a flashback to 1995 when Big Puss showed up in his Santa suit in an irritated mood that the boys couldn't understand, only Big Puss knew it was due to the wire underneath his "ho ho ho" suit, and the fact that he was betraying his friends while handing out Tonka trucks. High comdy value comes courtesy of Tony's sister Janice's then boyfriend Aaron, the dude with narcolepsy who passes out after a hot jam session on the keyboard with Janice trying to perfect their Christian Rock album (LOL).
#2 "I Dream of Jeannie Cusamano" (Season 1):
One of my favorites mainly because this was the episode that you realized this series was here to stay, and you don't fuck with the Boss. Tony finally breaks out of his funk, and realizes his black hole of a Mother and Uncle Junior tried to have him whacked, courtesy of the Federal Government. Tony was a big "family" guy, and he did the most he could to come to terms with Uncle June. Tony's enemies were vanquished one by one. Some got theirs in the back of the head, and the rest of them were arrested during the major indictments the FED's laid down on the Mob in North Jersey. Finally, Tony was the main street boss and used Uncle Junior as a pawn as "acting boss" so the heat was taken off him. High comedy value came from the scene where Christopher and Paulie Walnuts chase Mikey P through the woods and Paulie runs right through a poison ivy plant. When he snaps after realizing this, I laugh so hard. The episode and season close out with the Soprano family having dinner together in a major storm at his friend Artie Bucco's restaurant when Tony raises a glass to remind his family that "the good times" are all that matters in life, with the ones you love. This quote comes back in the series a few times, most notably in the last scene of the series.
#1 "Made in America" (Season 6B):
I realize this will annoy the real fans out there since this episode was the "fade to black", the one that pissed everyone off because it didn't end with either Tony dead or in prison or whatever. I get that, when my TV went black and a minute passed I felt a little cheated. But as the years went by, and the more I watched this episode, I accepted it for what it was: a brilliant ending to a brilliant series. David Chase didn't care what people thought, and even though it was arrogant in a lot of ways it still showed that he was committed to his craft and writing. Just because Tony wasn't whacked by the creep in the Members Only jacket or the dude in the hunting gear, it doesn't mean his life was unchanged after the fam shared some onion rings. I think the point of the ending was that life goes on, and that Tony was headed for an indictment by the FED's after a rat (Carlo) turned state's evidence against the family. As mentioned in #2, Tony is reminded by AJ (his ONLY positive thing added to the entire series... no seriously) that you should only "remember the good times", and that normally comes through family and friends. High comedy value comes when Phil Leotardo is located at that gas station and shot in the head, but his wife gets out of the truck and leaves it in park only to find the vehicle rolling towards Philly's shot up head! The sound effects used when the truck runs over Phil's head, and the reaction of the people at the gas station always cracked me up, one little kid vomits at the sight.
The last episode had its flaws, and the ending left people with a "WTF" reaction. You devote hours and hours (in my case days, its pathetic) watching the show only to have it end in a way that was unfullfilling. But in my eyes, it was perfect. Again, I'm probably a little too sad at the news we all got on Wednesday night, but it was mostly because of the perfect job JG did representing a character that we eventually all related to on some level. With that, I'd love to end this with a philosophical Tony quote, but... I couldn't find any I thought did him justice, so I guess I'll go with a common one: "FUUUUUUCKKKKKK!". RIP James Gandolfini.

Full Circle Series: Day 4- "Same Ol' Shit"

There was a shame and guilt class today that I identified with.  All this time over the last few months I thought I was feeling guilty, when in fact, I was actually feeling shame for what I did.  I liked this class because it spoke to me.  It made me aware of certain things that I can work on to improve.  I’m not going to reveal those certain things because I’m embarrassed (that is supposed to be funny). In all seriousness I’m not going to reveal them because I want to work on them myself and fix them myself.  Most of you probably already know what those weaknesses are anyway.  I’m hopeful with proper steps I’ll be able to instill a greater confidence in myself.

 

Just a note to family and friends, do not take Tylenol before drinking or when you are hung-over. I’m sure some of you already know this, but one of the ingredients in Tylenol is supposed to be broken down by the backup system of the liver, but since that backup system is still helping break down the alcohol it can’t get to the Tylenol so, in turn, it just does more damage than it does to help. I forget the name of the ingredient…something like Aphetementocephalyde or something like that; I probably should have taken better notes or listened more closely. Come to think of it, I don’t even think that I heard that tidbit in class. I’m pretty sure it was one of the crack head junkies sitting near me, and I thought it was the class because I was sleeping. File this last paragraph under “Disregard" (2013 Note: Wow was I dumb. Acetaminophen you dolt!)

 

2013 Note:

I sound brainwashed there. Reading that, I have to call BS on myself. I still feel extremely guilty for getting into that car. Guilt is what drives me not to make the same mistake again. Sure, I was largely ashamed for the DUI, but that has faded over the years. I can't speak for how other people view me, or judge my past transgressions with alcohol, but I don't view that phase of my life with such a negative stigma on my character anymore. I now see the experience as something useful that can be bestowed on to other people before they get into a car after a few too many, or even if they've also gone through the process and are viewing the DUI program as an annoyance....Tony Robbins Out!

 

 

Full Circle Series-Day 3: "Groups N' Stuff"

I can’t really divulge much from group sessions due to privacy agreements.  However, nothing is ever said so I’m not really withholding anything.  I must comment on the fact that I am entirely uncomfortable talking in front of people.  I always think people are looking at me with a perception that I am lying. 

However, how would I know if they are looking at me or judging me?  I always have my eyes down or up at the ceiling, you know, anything to avoid eye contact while I’m talking. 

People Observations:

• Senor Poopy Pants has established himself as the guy who asks the same question over and over and still can’t understand the answer given to him. 

• John Goodman’s laid back attitude and dead pan delivery are quite amusing. 

• Mr. Pigeon, my roommate, is a conspiracy theorist all of a sudden.  He thinks everybody is out to get him and everything about the institution we are staying at is a scam.  He gets quite heated about everything, but what makes it funny is that even when he raises his voice he still talks with the Minnesota accent so it is really hard not to laugh.  The simplest question sets him off. 
• For example:

Me: “Gee Mr. Pigeon what did you think of that class?”

Mr. Pigeon: “BLAAARGH BEAAARGLE LAAAA!!!!”

Me: “Golly Mr. Pigeon I just asked how the class was, you have to calm down.”

Mr. Pigeon: “I know there. I just get angry there, and I just found out one of my pigeons died there and I don’t know what to do there, I guess that class just touched a nerve there you know?”

Me (Slowly exiting the room): “Huh what? Uhhhh yeah pigeons that sucks…See you at the next class” (Running full speed to a safe haven)

"Optional Recreation"

Lent itself to some amusing moments.  Spaz, Alex Trebek, The Curmudgeon, and I all played Pitch.  Spaz was all over the place and couldn’t stop eating sugar.  Senor Poopy Pants laid one and then left mysteriously before we could properly pin the blame on him.

Group Projects

We all go down to the basement to participate in a group project.  This is already getting pretty annoying because I feel like I’m at Camp Bournedale again.  However, it is also funny because these 30 somethings transformed into immature children, but I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt because the project was immature in itself. 

 

We had to make up an endangered species and come up with a reason for saving it.  Ours was a bird that saved sick children by spraying its venom through its ass on people.  We put rocket boosters, tattoos, and goggles on it to make it look cool.  I thought for sure we were going to be the worst presentation, but come to find out I was sorely mistaken. 

 

The girl group came up with a turtle with a tree growing out of its shell.  When asked what purpose this animal could possibly serve to humanity they came up with some cockamamie explanation, “When it rains the tree cleanses the water and it goes into the river and cleanses that water so all the world has pollution free water.”  I wanted to ask why the hell they needed the turtle if the tree does all the work, but I thought better of it because I realized we had rocket boosters on our bird for no reason.

Goodie 2 Shoes asks entirely too many questions.  “Why hasn’t the U.S. just outlawed alcohol?  I think it would take care of a lot of the problems associated with alcohol in the world.”  (Hmmmm I’d love to slap her off the head with a history book turned to the Prohibition section, but she is raising her hand again with this gem) “Why don’t they make a pill that gives people a natural high?” (I’m thinking it’s because it wouldn’t be a natural high anymore if you had to take a pill to achieve it…just a shot in the dark though). 

At this point I am flabbergasted because I was always told that there is no such thing as a stupid question, but this lady has managed to completely disprove that theory in a matter of 30 seconds with 2 ugly questions in a row.  Bravo…clap…clap…clap.