I forget when I wrote this, but it still holds up:
I really have gotten used to the crowded trains on the way into work despite my many complaints. However, I can't let this latest transgression go unaccounted for. I have attached a picture to give you a visual of the encounter I endured on my latest commute.
As you can see this gargantuan man thought it would be nice to put his bulbous crotch right in front of my face. His orangutan and sweaty like arms were hindering me from leaning back in my seat to avoid the zipper region facing me. I couldn't decide which was the lesser of 2 evils; Should I lean back and perpetually puke in my mouth for 45 minutes or should I lean forward and hope beyond all hope that the already taut buttons on the painted on pants don't pop and I'm forced into a prison scene rivaled only from the movie Shawshank Redemption? I couldn't very well alternate between the 2 because then it would look like I was actually engaging in the act I was trying to avoid in the first place. I decided the only course of action was Operation Newspaper Shield and iPod volume on optimum levels (figured that would shut up the voices in my head that were screaming and crying). I raised my crossword puzzle up to shield this Dockers nightmare in front of me, and I blacked out the rest of the way.
I have taken proper care to show you the 5 free seats that were available at the time. You ask, "Why didn't you get up and move to one of the free seats?" 1) My drawing is no exaggeration, he really was engulfing me as such from the front, fruit eating lady to my left flank, and people's feet on my right route 2) Just on principal I couldn't move, I was there first and that fat ass should have gone, PLUS IT WAS ONLY THE SECOND STOP!!! he had to stand right there? there's so much free room goddamn it. 3) My legs were powerless due to his odor filled clutches. I felt like I was caught in a comic strip at that moment, "Can't...move...must...get to..new seat...odor...draining strength..arggghh!"
Yes my face was that red.
