Why is it that EVERY fucking female feels the need to put their arsenal of supplies on FAST food service counters? They need to have a fucking Express Male Correct Change Line for all of us "on the go" types.
"Medium Coffee please, $2.56. Here's $3."
See you later.
I’m out the door without my change. I don't care about those nickels. Thomas Jefferson can go lie in the change drawer with the rest of his cronies. My point is, I'm in and out.
However, these stupid women want a "Double Mocha Latte with extra sugar, a twist of lime, several varieties of cream, and a husband. Oh oh Yes and I’d like 25 munchkins and a dozen donuts...no no not that donut those are filled with carbs." (They are all filled with f'ing carbs you fat wilderbeast.)
Since none of the people speak English they come back every 2 seconds with "did you want sugar in that?" "how many munchkins did you want?" except it sounds more like "gooba dee baba go go?"
Then I look for other lines to go in and its the same across the board; Antsy males with their money ready just waiting to order their coffees all with the same exasperated air about themselves. I give them all the courtesy nod, roll of the eyes, and shake of the head as if to say "Women can't live with em, can't punch them in the face with brass knuckles".
After these whores finally finish their order they have to search through their entire bag for their purse so they can give exact change with the big bill they have in their hand because they think that is faster than just paying with the $20 bill they have in their hand at the moment.
Not to mention the fact that the people at the counter are just extra confused when you give them change on top of the $20, and it takes them an extra (I’m not exaggerating) 2 minutes to figure out that they have to press one extra button on the register to compute the denomination. Actually, in another instance I saw one registrar call over an f'ing manager to help with the math I've seen dolphins do on the Discovery Channel, but I digress.
So after they've taken everything out of their purse and put it on the counter that is already housing their scarf, mittens, walkman/iPod, keys, license, wallet, small child, and birth control pills they of course have to put everything back into the purse. I swear one of these days I'm going to push the bitch out of the way, open her bag, and just slide everything into it in a messy manner. Then upon finishing that I'll give her a swift kick in the ass. I realize I talk the talk, but it would be great to be able to do this once...just once and not have to suffer the consequences.
Few ways this could be avoided
1) DON'T hold the door open for ladies. You aren't going to get their number, they never say thank you, and they never give you a second glance. It would be funnier if you didn't open the door for them and let it shut in their face because they aren't expecting it and they end up walking into the door. High and mighty bitches...MEET GLASS!
2) All women should go to Starbucks. You are ordering the stupidest drinks ever anyway so you might as well go to the stupidest coffee place ever. You are trying to pretend to be crunchy granolie so you might as well go to the crunchiest place on the planet. Coffee Barista, fuck off. You like the place, that’s fine. Starbucks is great if you HAVE time to sit and relax and have a cup of whatever it is you get. You like variety so Starbucks is definitely the place for you. Dunkin Donuts is meat and potatoes; I shouldn't have to deal with Prissy Miss Bitchfest every morning. They shouldn't be mad at the world because they got a degree in Art History or English Lit and the only job they could get was a two bit secretarial job...NOW go get my coffee and then fax this over to more important people than you...
3) Make coffee at home or get coffee at work. A very simple solution, and one I have abided by for several years until this morning. Nothing has changed
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