I guess to start, I'm an anonymous citizen who hacked into this unsuspecting blog hoping to wreak havoc, post a couple nudies and talk dick and fart jokes. No actually I'm just a friend of Steve's whose read a few of his posts and thought I could make a little sense of what his stupid mouth is trying to spew... Okay that was harsh, what I meant was that we have a lot of the same social, economic, maniacal thoughts so I figured we'd go together like a nice peanut butter and fluff (thought I was gonna say jelly huh you predictable bastard?).
Anyways, you know what "Gets My Goat"? The social deviants who fuck with other people's lunches in the shared office refrigerator. I mean, seriously these people should have their own segregated wing of Shawshank let alone be in the general public. I should start by mentioning I work for a large company with many people sharing the same amenities (fridges, sinks, water bubblers, shitters, etc) and I've never seen such Medieval behavior than in my wing of the building and our mini-kitchen. I swear there were more manners in the days when William Wallace was gutting the English than there is in this mini-kitchen. FYI - I'm calling it a "mini-kitchen" because that is what it is. There is a sink, a water cooler, a roll of paper towels, a good sized fridge, and about 5 sq feet of space to dodge in and out of the way of the other "walkers" going about their day.
When I get in and open the fridge and every square foot of the fridge is covered in lunch bags, I know it's going to be one of those days. I normally cuss at the sky and move on thinking there could not be any more damage done. Ohhhhhhhhh boy was I wrong. So when lunchtime arrives, I head to the kitchen to get my grub on and fetch my lunch bag. I open the fridge and its practically empty with a few items still hanging out, and there's my lunch on the bottom shelf. It is now open, bag ripped, and my rasberry Nutrigrain bar is hanging outside the bag in the fridge chilling by himself like he didn't want to hang out with the rest of the lunch anymore. I was awestruck! This was just your basic Market Basket plastic bag that I purposely tie up so shit doesn't fall out, however, on this day someone made it a point to open the bag and go through it! What kind of sick individual does that? This happens at least a few times a month. The funny part is they were obviously looking for something good, a nice lil' snack like a cupcake or something like that. They were sadly mistaken to find my turkey sangwich on french roll, cape cod chips in another plastic bag, nutrigrain bar (fuck they're good!) and Diet Coke. Suck it lunch thief! I've been making it a point to leisurely stroll into the kitchen around 11:45 or so to see if this person was up to their old tricks but have had no luck. They are like a ninja in how they go about their craft of going through random strangers' lunch bags and I can't find them. I have my suspects, and I'll be watching them.
Maybe a boobie trap is in the works like we used to set up in our old desks in catholic elementary school days because the public school kids sat our desks on Sundays and stole shit. So many great erasers and pencil sharpeners were taken from me and my buddies and we had enough of it. I digress...
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